Monday, November 27, 2006

Limbo - Still Bad, Still Not Banned on Earth

The hardest thing about trying to work on my research at home with the baby is this "never quite asleep, never quite awake" thing.

When he's experiencing this, I can (and usually do) spend most hours of the day trying to get him to sleep or trying to do awake things with him, neither of which he wants to do. I feed him because he's kind of hungry, but he fusses about it because he's bored. I try to do the mommy/baby yoga DVD because he's awake, but it lasts 6 minutes and then he starts fussing because he's tired (and probably hungry). So for half an hour or forty-five minutes I feed him and he falls asleep, then I put him down and of course he wakes up before he even hits the bed (or boppy). Not quite full and not quite refreshed, so he's fussy.

I try to do something else with him because he's awake, but he wants to go to sleep and nurse. So I nurse him again and wait to try to put him down after he falls asleep and goes floppy, but he wakes up. Maybe he falls asleep at some point (like two in the afternoon, at this point, so 6 hours after we got up) and I put him down, and he does stay asleep for 15 minutes, but is twitchy and only lightly asleep, so I can't even start to concentrate because I know he's about to wake up any second.

He wakes up, I try putting him in the sarong, but he wants to nurse. So I put him in the sling, but he hates lying down and also hates if I'm not standing up and walking around while carrying him in it, so I'm basically forced to walk around steadily while he nurses, and I still have to use one hand to steady his head. Might as well sit down!

That is how my day so often goes: I spend probably 8 out of 10 minutes trying to get him to sleep or feeding him (often simultaneously, of course).

So when I do get a break (after two months solid of this, every single day) like him going to bed by 8:30, my brain is so completely fried that I can hardly even open my stats text, let alone try to sit there and re-learn the stuff that took me solid days to do last time, three years ago.

Besides, always I still have all the day's tasks that I've been repeatedly, desperately frustrated in trying to get to, like pouring out his bathwater that's still sitting on the counter, trying to answer urgent emails and phone calls that have built up, preparing and eating some kind of dinner (or maybe even lunch), going to the bathroom, washing his nappies, or registering for my education credits so we don't get my student loan bill yet, or whatever. All those 10- or 15-minute chores that take at least three hours to get done if I do them all.

So how can I blog? Well, it's one of those things that I can do in 5-minute increments, saving in between writing. And I really need to vent some days, and to brag on other days.

Now he's asleep for ??? amount of time: must call chiropractor and try to get money from them, dry his laundry, and maybe then if he's still asleep I can just begin the data screening for the analyses that I was supposedly going to have done over the holiday weekend for my meeting tomorrow at 9am.


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